I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
