Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
