There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
