you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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