Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Ketchup is God's man juice
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
