I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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