considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
