i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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