oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
