I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
