he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
