sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
