I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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