laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
