ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
