Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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