How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
