She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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