If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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