my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
