the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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