The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
