Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I intend to get homeless drunk
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
