its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
