you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
