Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
