if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
