Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
