your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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