My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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