The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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