i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
