I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Randomize
