There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
