I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You're like the curious george of whores
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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