found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
