It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
