We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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