Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
