what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
