i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
you guys were way drunker than both of me
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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