my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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