u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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