tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
It's blow job season.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Randomize
