Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
