That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
