I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
