I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
