Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
What drink are we having for lunch?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
