He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
