I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
