I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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