I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
